Managing Christmas Presents

Does your child receive too many presents at Christmas?

Do you worry your child will be spoiled and entitled and Christmas only adds fuel to the fire?

With all the pressure on you from retailers, other parents, and your own kids, how do you know how many and what type of gifts to give to your child?

It’s approximately 8 weeks until Christmas and this week my postbox has been filled with catalogs from all sorts of retailers detailing the latest toys, gadgets and other “must-have” items.

My children, despite normally being generally non-materialistic and undemanding, see these catalogs arrive, start flipping through them and cannot help themselves but to say “oh look, this is SO COOL!” Or, “mama, have you SEEN this?  I want this!”  

They might not have ever thought about that particular toy or gadget previously, they probably didn’t even have any awareness to its existence, but the shiny picture in the catalog makes it so irresistible and appealing, that all of a sudden, they JUST. HAVE. TO. HAVE. IT.

Sound familiar?  Maybe your children haven’t seen a toy catalog but you’ve experienced the same thing whilst walking by some shop windows or in a shop.  Or after seeing some advertisements on TV….

So how can you taper the commercial madness that has become Christmas and focus on the values behind the festive season, creating family traditions and lasting memories?

Limit the Number of Presents

If you give presents to your children at Christmas, consider limiting the number of gifts that you give to each child.  

Many parents find the following guideline useful:

• One gift that the child WANTS (within your agreed budget)
• One gift that the child NEEDS
• One gift to WEAR
• One gift to READ

This way, each child gets 4 gifts from you and across siblings, it feels “fair”.  It limits the number of gifts and combines desires, usefulness and education.

Some parents filter this down even more and limit presents to each child to just 2:

• one that the child wants (within an agreed budget), and
• a book to read. 

This is a useful guideline if you generally buy clothes and other necessary items for your child throughout the year.

Whichever approach you go with, if this is a drastic reduction in the number of gifts you child typically receives from you, be sure to have a few conversations ahead of time to manage their expectations.  Let them know that you are taking a different approach this year, and shifting the focus from receiving to giving.

Limit Gifts from Extended Family 

If your children typically receive material gifts from extended family members, have a conversation ahead of time (early November is a safe bet) about how you would prefer to limit the material gifts that your children receive at Christmas.

Instead, ask them to consider whether they could gift their time instead,  Ideas such as:

• A sleepover at a grandparents house
• A cooking class with grandma
• Learning to knit or sew with grandma
• A homemade dinner date with an auntie or uncle
• A fishing trip with an uncle
• A sleepover with a cousin
• A pizza and movie night with a cousin
• An at home manicure party with an auntie
• A video games night with an uncle
• A driving lesson with an auntie/uncle
• A sports lesson with an auntie/uncle

Or your extended family might consider gifting experiences to your children instead, particularly if they live further away:

• An annual membership to the local zoo or museum
• An annual pass to the local cinema
• Tickets to a play / concert / sports event
• Tickets to a theme park or soft play centre
• A gift voucher for the local bowling alley
• A gift voucher for mini golf or laser tag / paintball
• Tickets to special events at the local museum, such as “sleepover at the museum” nights or special exhibitions/workshops
• A voucher to attend a local class/activity (dance, sports, drama, arts, coding, etc)

Or they might give their time with the experience - so the gift could be that they would accompany your child to whatever experience they have gifted, which allows them to look forward to and spend that special time together.

And if your extended family members feel particularly strong about giving your children something “tangible,” you could ask them to consider something like a voucher to the local bookshop or a magazine subscription.

Consider those less fortunate

Depending on the ages of your children, you may wish to talk to them about those who are less fortunate than themselves.  

You could discuss whether they might consider donating gifts they receive to children who might benefit from them more.  

Or whether they would be open to you requesting other people to refrain from giving your children gifts but either giving them money to be able to collect and donate to charity or donating it directly to charity on the child’s behalf.  

This will be difficult for many children to consider, and for some gift-givers this won’t be palatable, but if you know that your child typically receives an excessive number of gifts and finds it overwhelming, you could try this approach.  Don’t force your child.  You might need to just plan the seed of the idea in one year, and revisit the idea the next year. 

Or if your child ends up receiving an excessive number of gifts, you could ask them to consider donating a handful of gifts that they don’t think they really need to someone who might appreciate them more.

Shift the Focus

Before December hits, start to have conversations with your children about what Christmas and the holidays mean for you, the values it holds and what makes it so special.  

Talk about family rituals and traditions, discuss what you might like to do together to give back to the community or others less fortunate.  Ask them for ideas on what gifts they can create (not buy) for family members and loved ones and support them in the creation.  

For more ideas on nurturing gratitude and appreciation, read this earlier blog post.

Creating Happiness

Opening presents gives your child a brief hit of dopamine, one of the feel good chemicals in our bodies.  It’s a momentary feeling of elation. 

But the present itself isn’t what is going to make your child happy in life. 

In fact, any focus on material things and the attainment of these goods can build a sense that these things SHOULD make us happy within - and so when they only provide a momentary sense of elation, it is often followed by disappointment and the desire to seek the next latest toy/gadget/thing to make us happy again. 

It’s a vicious cycle and one that we need to help our children off or avoid as early as possible in their lives.

If you want your children to be truly happy, you need to focus on what is most important to them - time with you.  Pay attention to them, see them for who they are and spend some magical Christmas moments together making childhood memories. 

Spending precious time with your child is the most valuable thing you can do for them and give to them.  It fills up their internal bucket like no other material thing can do - even the bestest ever Christmas present. 

Your presence IS the bestest ever Christmas present - even if they don’t know it yet.