Create More Gratitude at Christmas

Have you had a Christmas morning in recent memory where your kids have unwrapped a bunch of presents in a fury of excitement, played with all of them briefly and then come down off that high and start misbehaving - all before breakfast?

Whether we want to admit it or not, it’s a common theme in many households that children get over excited about opening and discovering their presents at Christmas.  It can often become their sole focus, leaving many parents saddened with the lack of expressed gratitude and appreciation.

We dream and try to make Christmas a magical time for our children.  We try to teach them about the meaning of Christmas, create family traditions and happy memories.  But sometimes, despite our best intentions, on the actual day we see them behave self-centred and spoiled and are left feeling like somehow it hasn’t turned out the way we envisaged.  

However, it IS possible to help create more meaning at Christmas for your family.  To ensure that the focus isn’t on your child’s presents and what they receive, but on spending time together creating family traditions, expressing gratitude and giving back to the wider community.

Here are some ideas:

Talk to Your Children

In the run up to Christmas, talk to your children about the meaning of Christmas.  

If you are religious, this may include the religious significance of Christmas.  

If you are not religious but still celebrate Christmas, you might talk about what the holiday means for your family which may include reflecting on the year, being grateful for all the good things, remembering lost loved ones, giving positive energy to those who are suffering, finding ways to give back, wishes for the year ahead, etc.  

Talk about it consistently as a family, perhaps at dinnertime.  Each discussion doesn’t need to be in-depth, but the more often you discuss what Christmas means to you, the more likely your children will internalise these values.

Research Volunteer Opportunities

Look into whether you and your children can help out at local centres over the holidays or in the lead-up to Christmas.  

Local senior homes, hospitals, animal rescue centres, soup-kitchens and charities are often in need of extra help at this time of year.  

Show your child how good it feels to volunteer and help out others, especially those in need, and discuss with them how it is actually a blessing and gift to be the one to help others.  They might enjoy it so much that you could look into volunteering throughout the year.

Appreciation Gifts

Help your children think about what they are grateful for and why they appreciate the other people in their life by getting them to make appreciation gifts.  

It could be that they each create an appreciation jar for each member of the family, so that each day in December they write a short note saying what they appreciate about that person and put it in the jar, and give the jar as a Christmas gift.  

You may have a family appreciation jar instead, so that everyone writes a note each day about someone in the family and it goes into the “family jar”, which gets opened and read together as a family on Christmas.  

Or, if that is too much in this busy time of year, with each gift that they give to another person, they could write an appreciation note to attach to the gift.  

You can always help younger children by letting them tell you what they appreciate and writing it down for them.  It’s the act of thinking about what they appreciate about another person that is most important - bringing the consciousness to what might be unconscious feelings/thoughts.

Plan Special Time

Plan to spend some special time with each of your children in the run-up to Christmas.  It can be an incredibly busy and hectic time of year so do make your children a priority in amongst all the other commitments.  Let them know you appreciate them and enjoy their company.

Your child may or may not remember that amazingly cool toy, video game or bike that they received at Christmas, but they will remember the special moments shared with you - especially if you make Christmas rituals and do them every year.  

You might take your child out for lunch and go to see a show or the cinema.  Or make Christmas cards and decorations together.  Or bake cookies to give as gifts.  Or take them to see the Christmas lights in town on an evening and go for a special ice cream.  Or go sledging or ice-skating together followed by a hot chocolate in the cafe.  The list is endless.

It’s these one-on-one moments together that will fill up their inner buckets and create lasting memories.  It takes the focus away from presents and shifts it to time spent with loved ones.

Make Gift Boxes

Ask your child to go through their belongings (clothes, toys, books, etc.) and decide what they no-longer need or want that they might give away to someone else less fortunate than themselves.  Wrap up the items in parcels and donate them as gifts to your local children’s hospital, home or charity.   

It’s a great way for a child to rationalise their things as well as think about others AND it helps you reduce the clutter and make way for the inevitable incoming stuff!

Extended Family Gifts

Help your child create gift packages for extended family members (grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.) that could include some of their artwork or writing that they have done over the past year as well as something that they make intentionally - whether a holiday card or decoration, or holiday cookies/cake.   

The idea is that they have “made” it all, thought about what they want to give to that specific person, wrapped it up and given it/sent it to them.  It’s their own creation but focused on an extended family member that would truly appreciate the time, effort and thoughtfulness that your child has put into creating such a gift.

Advent Giving

Instead of having the children receive something each day during the Advent period, why not consider asking them to give something each day?  It could be an act of kindness, helping out or donating something.  

Alternatively, instead of you giving your child something each day, create an advent jar and give your child a coin or note to put into the jar each day.  At the end of the Advent period, ask your child which charity they would like to donate the money in the jar to.  You can research local charities together and you could consider “matching” the donation to show them that you would like to contribute too.  Again, you can have a discussion about how helping others actually makes us feel good and is a privilege.

Family Advent Time

You could create a family advent calendar that lists a special activity that you will do together as a family each day in the advent period.  

The activities could include:  reading a Christmas story by candlelight, putting up and decorating the tree, hanging mistletoe and giving kisses, making a wreath, baking cookies, going ice skating or sledging, going into town in an evening to see the Christmas lights, making cards, wrapping gifts…. 

So that all the “preparation” of Christmas is done together as a family and made to be a shared, enjoyable time and weaved in between are some fun and special activities that you generally only do leading up to Christmas.  

The time you spend doing the activities is invaluable and the memories will last a lifetime.

Letters to Father Christmas

Rituals such as writing a letter to Santa with a list of desired presents keep our children focused on what they want to “receive”.  

If you ‘d like your child to write a letter to Santa, you could instead ask your child to think about how Santa might help others who are less fortunate or suffering.  

The focus shifts from being about your child and what they WANT, to others around them and the things those people NEED (health, food, shelter, companionship, etc.).  You can then use this letter to start a discussion about how your child might help Santa with that list.

Elf on the Shelf

Again, as with the letters to Santa, think about shifting the focus of the Elf on the Shelf AWAY from your children and towards other people.  

You can tell your children how the Elf on the Shelf loves to see the children be kind and giving to others and is watching the house to learn all the ways that the family is kind to one another and how everyone contributes and helps out.  

The Elf could also do random acts of kindness overnight that replicates what he’s seen or gives ideas to the children about things they could do to help out.

Create Magic

Depending on the ages of your children, you might consider allowing them to camp out and sleep next to the Christmas Tree one night in the run up to Christmas.  

You can stay up with them and read them Christmas stories or better yet, tell them stories from your own childhood Christmas memories.  

Eat spiced biscuits, drink egg nog or warm milk, and enjoy the magical moment together.  Let them fall asleep with only the tree lights on, warm and snuggled up with you.  (You could put up a camp bed and have sleeping bags or sleep on the sofa if it’s more comfortable!)

The list above isn’t exhaustive but neither is it meant to put pressure on you! 

You don’t have to do all of these things.  Just pick a couple that feel right for you and your family, things that are doable. 

It’s the conversations that you have with your children about these acts that are more important than the acts themselves.  And the consistency.  They may not start out feeling appreciative and grateful, but the more you do these things with them, the more they will internalise the values you are trying to teach. 

The emotions they experience during these moments will make an impression in their hearts and minds - it’s the stuff magic and magical memories are made of.