Accepting Our Daughters

Did you ever feel that you were not good enough for your mother?  

That you saw the look of disappointment on her face when you didn't come home with the best grades or didn't win the sports match?  

Did you recall feeling that she was embarrassed because of how you looked or behaved, perhaps when you were at a family gathering or around her friends?

Most of us can recall feeling our mother's disapproval at some point.  The feeling that she wanted us to somehow be different to how we were.

In raising girls, you are your daughter's biggest cheerleader. 

YOU are the first person she looks to in her life for signs that she is enough, that she's doing okay, that she is okay.

And IF deep inside, there is a part of you that is secretly hoping she will change, grow out of doing or being something, become someone different, lose certain characteristics or ways of being, then you will almost certainly be conveying this to her in some way.  It could be with your words, body language, glances, facial gestures, or even just energy.

The reality is, we don't always love all aspects of our daughters.  If they make poor behaviour choices, we hope they will learn to make different choices.  If they make poor friendship choices, we worry for their hearts and hope they don't last too long.  If they make poor academic choices, we may try to influence or persuade more.

It's okay to not love all aspects of your daughter or to not agree with all her choices.  It's okay to worry about her and to hope for a good future.  It's entirely normal to do so.

But be honest with yourself.  If there are things you don't love about your daughter, how can you choose to think about them differently so you ACCEPT them?  Because by doing so, you begin to ACCEPT your daughter, fully, as she is, right now.

The thing our daughters need most from us, right now, today and every day, is the message that SHE IS ENOUGH.  As she is.  Right now.

She needs to know that you not only LOVE her, but ACCEPT her.  Fully.  100%.  As she is. Right now.

That is the most powerful thing you can do for your daughter each and every day. 

So if there is a part of you that can't do this because you're hoping she'll change somehow or wishing she'll become someone different as she gets older, you need to get inside your own head and find a way to reframe those thoughts.  

See her and love her for who she is, not the person you wish she could be.

This is your work.

Not just for you.  

For her and the generations of women that follow.

So that they can ALL know that they are enough, as they are.