The ONE thing you NEED to do NOW to be a mindful parent

“Just do it!!!”

How many times, despite your best intentions to be positive with your children, do you lose your cool and end up barking an order, criticising them or issuing a punishment?

None of us want to be “that” parent.  You know, the one that is constantly fed up, shouting at their kids for not doing what they need to do, feeling resentful, unappreciated and a bit of a failure at the whole parenting game.

It doesn’t feel good when we find ourself in that space.  For us, or for our children.  

And my guess is that it certainly isn’t the kind of parenting and family atmosphere you had envisaged when you thought about having kids.

We know within ourselves that we can be a better parent.  We know we can be a happier, more fulfilled person.

So, what stops us?

Parenting can be tough.  You might have a new baby or toddler that doesn’t sleep well.  You might have a child struggling at school or with friends.  Or you might just be managing multiple kids who all need your love and attention and for you to acknowledge their uniqueness.  

No matter what the ages of your children, as a parent you are “on call” 100% of the time, 24/7.  It can feel relentless - all the meals to prepare, the laundry, supervising homework and taxi-ing kids between activities.

When you add work and a career to all that, it makes for a pretty busy and potentially exhausting time.

Sometimes we feel that with all our life and family responsibilities, it’s selfish to take time for ourselves to do things that might replenish our own soul.  You might feel guilty just for booking that much needed haircut or massage, or even for taking half an hour to go for a walk or quick run.  You might wonder how there is ever time to do things for yourself, when there is an endless list of things you need to do for the family, home and work.

But here’s the thing.  

You are your family’s resource.  

If you sacrifice your own wellbeing for the sake of your children, family, home and work, your resources will eventually run low or become depleted and you will not be able to be the person and parent your children need you to be.

The trick to being a mindful parent isn’t all the positive parenting skills you can learn and put into practice.  It isn’t that latest tip you saw on Pinterest or heard about from your parent network.  The trick to being a mindful parent is to make sure that YOU look after yourself.  That you find a way to fill your emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical needs on a regular and sustainable basis.  

Because, it doesn’t matter how many mindful or positive parenting books, blogs or FB posts you’ve read.  Or if you’ve done a positive parenting course or even been lucky enough to be raised by authoritative parents.

If you can’t access any of the skills and knowledge you have learned from these in the moment when your child is full of emotion or displaying undesirable behaviour, because you are run down, tired, or otherwise at your limits, you’re not being the parent YOU want to be.  The kind of mindful, intentional parent you know you CAN be.

When you are physically rested, feeling energised, stimulated intellectually and spiritually, you have your tank full.  You are then able to manage your own emotions and reactions to your children’s behaviour better and access all the positive parenting skills you may have acquired along your parenting journey.  

You can SEE all the good things they already are doing, instead of just focusing on the negative.  You can BE there for them when they struggle, to let them know that they are loved unconditionally no matter what.  You can HELP them process their own emotions, so that they develop their own emotional intelligence and learn to regulate their behavioural responses to strong emotions.

It starts with YOU.

You might need to go to bed a little earlier, eat a little less sugar, drink a little less vino, get out and exercise more, commit to meeting up with friends, read that book that’s been sitting on the shelf for months….  How you re-fuel yourself is personal to you and everyone has different needs.  Figure out what you need to do to fill up your inner bucket, and schedule it in as if it were one of your child’s doctor appointments.

If you are one of those parents who finds this incredibly tricky to do, then start out small.  Take a day or a week at a time and put something for you in the calendar for 30 mins.  Ask a partner or friend to support you if you need childcare.  You might feel guilty at first, or even stressed as you wonder how you’ll make up that time for items on your to-do list.  But I promise you, you’ll find that as you prioritise yourself, you will feel better, more positive and be more time-efficient.  It will become easier to prioritise those other things in your never-ending parental list and also become easier to prioritise yourself.

It’s not self-indulgent.  

It’s making YOU a priority so that you can be the parent your child needs you to be. The kind of mindful parent you know you can be.  Commit to yourself for the sake of your family.  I know you can.  YOU KNOW you CAN.  You’ve got this.