Teaching Gratitude & Impact

Are you fed up with Christmas being all about “what I want” and not enough about “how I can help others” or “appreciate what I have”?

Sometimes our children are exposed to and get so caught up in the commercial build-up to Christmas that it’s easy to understand why they think it’s all about them. 

After all, children, especially younger ones, are by their very nature self-centered.  It’s their job to be that way.  That’s how they are built.

So, how can we help them shift the focus away from themselves and what presents they might receive to others and how they can impact others - be it friends, family, the wider community, strangers, etc.?

Express Gratitude and Appreciation

Express gratitude throughout the day.  As a parent, you can model this for your children just by expressing your gratitude out loud and in front of your children throughout the day in their presence.  They will hear this and slowly pick up the habit themselves.

Express thanks at mealtimes.  This might be reminiscent of mealtime prayers if you experienced this as a child or you might even still be doing it.  But if not, mealtimes are a great time to talk about what we are grateful for.  It’s a time when typically most family members are present and where you can share about your day.  If your children struggle with this, lead the way and set the example.

Create a family “Appreciation Jar”. This can either be done in conjunction with Advent or separately.  The idea is that you get a jar (with a lid) and every day, each member of the family writes something that they appreciate about another person in the family on a piece of paper.  The paper is then folded up and put into the jar.  You can then read the appreciations at family mealtimes, family meetings or anytime you decide.    

If you’re doing this throughout the advent period, you each write notes for each of the 24 days and then on Christmas Day the jar is opened and shared aloud - sort of like a family present to your own family as a celebration of your family. 

Write notes. Children love to receive little notes from us and this is another way of modeling and setting a nice example.  If your child has done something you appreciate, why not write them a little note to let them know?  For example, maybe they have made their bed especially well or tidied up their room and you can leave a note on their pillow or on their doorknob to say thanks and let them know you noticed.  For little ones, you can draw pictures alongside the note so they have a visual clue as to what it’s about and then you can read the note aloud to them. 

Ways to Teach Impact

Here are some ideas of teaching personal impact:

Find a volunteering opportunity. Something closer to home would be preferable.  It could be a home for the elderly, a homeless shelter, children’s hospital, children’s home, or a charity.  Volunteering is a way of giving our time and energy to help support others and it is also a hugely rewarding human experience.

Do a kind gesture for someone you know. Deliver a bouquet of flowers, bake cookies, make a nice card and pop it in their mailbox.  Or help someone carry their shopping bags, hold a door open, walk their dog for them.  Or within the family, make breakfast, make someone’s bed or help them tidy up their mess.

Visit an elderly relative or neighbor. Play a game with them, chat or sing for them. 

Have a “stuff” sorting day.  Donate pre-loved toys, books, clothes and other items to children in need or charities.  Donate non-perishables to a food bank and unwanted linen to a homeless charity.

Buy an animal for a family in poverty.  Instead of receiving a gift for each day during Advent, put a coin in a jar each day and at the end of Advent, use this money to help buy an animal for a family in poverty via one of the many donation websites set up for this.

Donate hair to a cancer charity.  If your child has sufficiently long hair, this is a great way for them to personally impact someone who can greatly benefit from what they have.

Give Time Coupons. You and your children can give coupons to each other for gifts of personal time, for example, pet sitting, babysitting, cutting the grass, shoveling snow, reading a story, playing a board game, cooking together, etc. 

Pay it forward.  Just do a random act of kindness every single day.  If you do this and talk to your children about it, they will also learn to do the same. 

There is SO much research out there that has demonstrated that consistent expression of gratitude and appreciation has a massive impact on personal wellbeing. 

It helps people feel good about themselves, feel positive and happier.  And most parents would probably agree that this is really what is most important and what we are all hoping for for our children - a sense of wellbeing, personal happiness, optimism, and kindness.