Positive Parenting Strategies to help your family transition Back-to-School

How do YOU get yourself and your children ready for going back to school after the summer holidays? 

Do you ease into it slowly during the final few weeks of the holidays? 

Or are you a last-minute type who does it all on the day before school starts? 

And do you ever wonder why the children seem to be a bit more emotional, perhaps a bit more needy, moody or defiant at the end of the holidays?

We certainly experienced this recently in our house.  Two days before school started, one of our daughters had an incredible emotional outburst that lasted a few hours.  The level of emotion was intense and for her (a tween), totally uncontrollable.  She had SO many emotions bubbling up all at once...the mourning of the end of the summer holidays, the pressure of getting to sleep earlier, the anxiety of waking up in time, all the thoughts around whether she would like her teacher, if she'd get along with her classmates, whether she would find the year challenging, etc etc etc.  It had been brewing for about a week but then hit a massive crescendo that night.  Oh boy... we did NOT see that one coming at all, but thankfully, when it did, we were able to access our deliberate parenting toolbox to ride out her emotional outburst and help her through it.  It took everything in us not to crack and explode back at her (why, oh why, was she being so unreasonable and where had all her usual logic and common sense gone?!).

Gearing up to go back to school after the summer holidays can be tough. 

Chances are, if you have children between the ages of 4 and 18, you’ll be in the midst of this adjustment period right now.   

Your children are probably getting ready for the new school year, perhaps with new teachers, new classmates, and even a change in school for some. 

This can cause enough excitement and anxiety without adding to it the potential pressure of getting back to “school” bedtime routines and morning alarms. 

Sometimes, we parents can underestimate how challenging this time of transition can be....

After all, it happens every year, so, especially for the slightly older children, surely they are used to it by now? 

And surely as parents, with each extra year of experience we must perfect our own ability to get the kids prepped and ready for the new school year? 

Well… in my experience, parents don’t necessarily get better just because another year has passed.  And, you probably find, no matter what age you children are, they still need your support at this exciting time of year.

In fact, we often underestimate the level of anxiety that starting a new school year can provoke in our children. 

Perhaps we put their neediness or moodiness down to being tired after the long and busy summer holidays. 

Or the late nights and lack of sleep. 

Or the resistance against the return to routines. 

The reality is that these all do play a factor as well. 

Add to that, the anticipation of the new school year – new teachers, new class, seeing their classmates again.  They might be wondering how much homework they’ll get, whether they can still remember everything they learned last year, whether they’ll still be friends with the same people, if their friends have changed over the summer, if they’ll find their way around their new school or remember their new timetable.  If they are slightly older, they might just be worried about having to wake up early again and getting to school on time.

If you’ve had to take some time off work during the summer to be with your children or have had to put your projects on hold while they’ve been on holidays, you’ll be super keen to get them back into school so that you can have that time again to focus on your own things.  

YOUR OWN personal or professional agenda. 

Your mind might be pre-occupied with all the things on your to-do list that you’re desperate to get to and you might “miss” some of the signals your child gives out telling you that they’re also on a bit of an emotional ride. 

That happens a lot.  And if we’re aware that it might happen, we can be more mindful and open to managing everyone’s hopes, fears and expectations, not just our own.

If you’re in this transition time, here are some strategies for helping your whole family adjust:

Get enough sleep! 

Sleep is hugely restorative, can help ease anxiety and having sufficient sleep ensures we are “powered” to proactively face the next day. 

For children who have been going to bed later during the holidays, start adjusting the bedtimes forward approximately 1 week before school starts, by 15-30 minutes each day. 

Hopefully the last few days before school starts their bedtimes will be around where they should be for a school night and they will have adjusted to this earlier sleep time.

Get organised! 

Work with each child to ensure that they have taken responsibility for the things they need for the new school year and that it’s all packed up and ready for them to take on their first morning. 

If you can, create a space for them near your entrance way where they can keep their school bag, sports bag and other items they need for school.

That way, it doesn’t get strewn across the house as they come in each day. 

Set up a clear and calm “work” space for them to do their homework.

Discuss Term-time Rules and Routines! 

If your schedules became a little more “flexible” over the summer holidays, have a family meeting to discuss and agree the term-time household rules. 

Things to include:  screen-time usage and limits, household contributions, home/dinner time, lights-out time. 

Make sure the children are aware of any schedule changes for extracurricular activities or after-school clubs.

Discuss morning/evening routines so that you aren’t having to nag/remind them of the same thing each day.

Just chat! 

Talk to your children about how they’re feeling about the new school year. 

What they are most looking forward to?  What they might be worried about?

Share with them your own school experiences, if relevant, and let them know that it’s perfectly common to feel excited and anxious at the same time.  

During the first few weeks of school, make sure you leave your communication lines open extra wide so that your children can share all their experiences and emotions with you. 

If you can, try to ensure that you’re available for them when they come home from school, or that you reconnect with them when you get home from work – physically and emotionally.  

A hug, a pat on the back/shoulder, a warm and inviting greeting “hello, I’ve missed you today.” 

If you can, avoid the “how was your day?” question and try some more, open ended and less obvious questions to get your children to open up… such as “would you share with me something surprising that happened at school today?” 

Staying emotionally connected with your children during this transition time is so important in order for them to feel supported and know that no matter what, you are there for them and they can come to you. 

Connection is also important so that they children are intrinsically motivated to ensure their daily routines and responsibilities are carried out as they should be.  Cooperation requires connection.

At the end of the first week of school, perhaps consider having a celebration dinner or doing a special activity at the weekend (back to the pool? Family hike? Picnic?).  This helps to ensure you have some quality time together and also talk about all the exciting things that happened that first week back. 

Celebrate that you all “survived” the transition and all the great things to look forward to in the year ahead.