Snowplough Parenting

If I’m not a Helicopter Parent or a Tiger Mom, could I be a Snowplough Parent?

It’s been about 5 years since the term “Snowplough Parenting” (also known as “Lawnmower Parenting”) came into popular consciousness.  It is perhaps not as widely known as the Helicopter Parent or Tiger Mom, but it is definitely another recognized “category” of parents.

Snowplough (Snowplow) Parenting, a term coined by teacher David McCullough, is actually a “thing” and has come to light again with the recent US College Admissions lawsuits.  The term is used to describe parents who will do anything in their power to remove potential or real obstacles that get in the way of their child’s “success". 

Similar to Helicopter Parents and Tiger Moms, the Snowplough Parents have a strong focus on ensuring their child reaches their full potential and is “successful" in life.  Success is often defined in terms of a tertiary or higher degree education at a top-level or prestigious institution and a high-achieving, high-earning and/or high-impact career.  Their children will have a full schedule of academic and non-academic activities to ensure they are exposed to and skilled in a variety of areas including music and sports.

Oversimplifying things for a moment, if Helicopter Parents micro-manage their kids' lives and Tiger Moms pressure their children to achieve, Snowplough Parents actively remove any challenges or barriers in their child’s path - be these risks, difficulties, potential failure, frustration or disappointment. 

It’s the Snowplough Parent who might help a toddler do a puzzle to minimise any frustration, or micromanage a preschooler’s playdate to intervene in any squabble, or who is constantly in touch with the teacher at school to ensure their child is being pushed to excel and is categorised as “gifted”.  It’s this Parent who will arrange for tutors and special training to cultivate their child’s natural talents.  In the recent US lawsuits, these were the parents that bribed college admissions officers to get their child a place in a prestigious university.

Like the offspring of Helicopter Parents and Tiger Moms, the children of Snowplough Parents risk reaching adulthood lacking certain universally desirable skills and qualities.  They may not know how to handle risks, failure, or even worse - how to handle being seen as or just being average.  They may not know how to be accountable for their own actions and results and may not develop their emotional intelligence.  According to McCullough, this style of parenting may result in children who are “anxious, dependent, narcissistic and careerist”.

Is it helpful to have such labels for parents? You can search the internet and find all sorts of articles about all the different styles of parenting and the consequences of each on children.  I’m not sure that such labels are very useful. 

Most parents probably feel under sufficient pressure already that having these labels out there is probably unhelpful.  Parents feel their actions are scrutinised by other parents, grandparents, schools, and society in general - not to mention the self-imposed pressure that spontaneously occurs the moment a child is born.   

At the end of the day, all parents are just trying to do their best with the resources and life experience that they have.  Some might find these labels helpful to understand the type of parent they want to be or avoid being. 

And that’s where I think these parenting “styles” do have some value - if they allow parents to consciously reflect on their own parenting tendencies so that they can then be mindful and intentional about their parenting, this is helpful.

Am I a Snowplough Parent?

I think it comes without saying that all parents want the best for their children.  And it’s pretty common for parents to want to raise well-adjusted, well-educated and happy children.  Beyond that, your personal history, life experience, fears, hopes and dreams as well as your perception of your child will fuel how you naturally parent them.

You might believe that your child needs to exceed in school and have a prestigious education in order to have ample opportunities to succeed in life.  Your definition of success in adulthood might be a high-performing, high-earning or high-impact career.  You may believe that such a career and this definition of success is what will ensure your child’s happiness. 

Or, you might believe that success is not defined in terms of income and career achievements or that these are even priorities.  You might believe that your child being “happy,” at peace with themselves and their lives, experiencing love, meaningful relationships and life experiences is what defines their “success”.

And of course, there are limitless other definitions of “success” and “happiness” in between and beyond those two perspectives.  Many parents do find that they struggle with understanding what it is they are actually hoping for for their child. 

Beyond their personal qualities and attributes, are love and personal relationships more important than a fulfilling career?  Is income or personal fulfillment more valuable? Are they mutually exclusive?   If your child finds happiness but is broke, is that enough?  If your child finds career achievement but is lonely, are they still successful? 

There is, of course, no one or right answer for everyone and if you just managed to dig deep and understand your own personal hopes for your child would be a huge parental achievement.

Some parents also find themselves concerned about how others will judge their parenting based on the achievements of their children. Will they be seen to have been too over controlling or too relaxed?  If their child ends up suffering from anxiety or depression, will it be their fault?  If their child doesn’t make partner in a law firm or isn’t an entrepreneurial headliner, will others think they weren’t sufficiently pushed?  Or if their child decides to be a stay at home parent and gives up their high-performing career, what does that say about the values they passed on?

Even in the age of social media, it’s important that parents remember that the most important thing is to be the parent their child needs.  To parent in line with their personal and family values and to bring their authentic selves to their role as a parent.

Having said that, scientific research and discoveries in the fields of psychology, neuroscience, education and child development have confirmed that there are proven ways of nurturing positive self-esteem, resilience, compassion, independence, perseverance, and other desirable qualities in our children. 

And yes, most of these are not in line with the tendencies of Snowplough Parenting. 

But if you are a Snowplough Parent, you probably knew that already.