Setting Your Child up for Homework Success

Your school-aged child comes home from school.  They tell you a bit about the most memorable thing that happened that day and then go to the kitchen, pick up a healthy snack and get a drink.  They go to sit down at their desk and get out their school books. 

Munching on a piece of fruit, they open up their books, figure out what homework needs doing and gets to work.  Fully focussed and without much discussion.  You’re watching on, thinking about how self-sufficient your child has become and how different it used to be….

Is this you?  And if not, could it be?

For many parents with school-aged kids, getting your child to sit down and do homework can be a constant struggle.  Whether you have to remind your child to remember to bring home their homework in the first place or if you have to nag them persistently to get them to just START, this can be a huge source of frustration - for both parents and kids.

So what if it doesn’t have to be?  What if your child could take ownership of their own homework so that you didn’t have to be involved?  What if you watched them not only do their homework on their own, but gain confidence in themselves by seeing that they can?

Give Your Child Control

Kids are used to being told what to do all day long.  From what time they need to leave the house to asking a question at school or permission to use the bathroom even!  And whilst that creates social order, everyone, kids included, needs some level of control over their own lives so that we don’t feel like puppets.

When it comes to homework, have a chat with your child and have them decide, within your parameters, the following:

WHEN they will do their homework - after school, before dinner, after dinner, in the morning? 

This might vary depending on activities each day and if it does, you could help your child create a weekly schedule - e.g. Mondays = after school, Tuesdays = after sports, Wednesday = before dinner, Thursday = after dinner, Friday = night off, homework happens on Saturday morning instead.

A caveat to doing it after school - most kids need a bit of downtime after school to move their bodies, breathe some fresh air, have a snack and drink.  They’ve been holding everything in all day, sitting still and it’s probably been a few hours since lunch.  So they decide that straight after school is when they want to do their homework, make sure you discuss having that 10-15 minutes of downtime first so they can fuel their minds and bodies before re-focussing.

WHERE they will do their homework - at a desk, kitchen table or somewhere else? 

Having a dedicated and clear space to do homework is important to eliminate a potential barrier.  If you child has a desk but it’s always cluttered with stuff, then either it needs to be tidied and kept clear or homework should happen elsewhere.  If everyday your child is having to tidy their desk as a first step before even getting to sit down to do their homework, they will likely have had enough before getting to the homework part.

For younger children, it’s generally better to have them do their homework where you can be nearby and accessible in case they need help or to keep a distant eye over them until they have developed the habit of doing it by themselves.  If your child is older and used to independently doing their homework, they could do it at a desk in their room and save any parental support for the end when they can come and find you.

Set Realistic Chunks of Time

If your child is young and still learning how to manage their homework (and if they are very resistant), then start out by having them do their homework in 5 minute chunks of time.  Set a kitchen timer, ask them to focus for the 5 minutes and do what they can, and then take a 5 minute break.  Repeat until the homework is finished. 

As they get more accustomed to doing the 5 minute chunks, then increase the time gradually to 8, 10 and then 15 minutes, but stick to a 5 minute break in between.  Recognise their efforts and intention each time your child sits down to focus to reinforce that behaviour.

If you have an older child and they have a lot of homework (say, 30 minutes or more), then you may talk to them about doing their homework in 30 minute chunks with a 5-10 minute break in between.  You don’t want the breaks to be too long where they can get into doing something else, but it should be long enough to get up, stretch their legs, go to the bathroom and grab a drink/snack if needed.

An important ground rule

It’s been scientifically shown that watching screens (TV, pads, video games, etc.) changes activity patterns in the brain.  Even though watching a screen might be passive, the brain gets stimulated and this can make it tricky for children to concentrate well afterwards.

So, one important ground rule to consider having in your home is that any permitted screen time happens AFTER homework.  If it’s a rule in your home and you’re consistent with it,  eventually your children will understand that that’s just the way things work. 

And if there is still strong resistance?

If you’ve tried all the above, your child has set a time and is fed/watered but the time comes to sit down and actually do their homework they still put up a big fuss or are super resistant, then you need to to consider what might be behind that resistance. 

It might be that your child doesn’t understand what they need to do.  They may need your help learning how to work through the instructions/assignment they have been given to learn how to know what to do.

It might be that your child is overwhelmed by their homework.  This could be either because of volume or level of difficulty. 

In either case, work with them to problem solve how you might “attack” the homework.  E.g. if it's volume (it feels like too much work for them), then you could help them figure out how to break it down into manageable chunks, whether done by time or assignment. 

If it’s level of difficulty, try to figure out where they are struggling so that you can offer some guidance.  In this latter case, I would encourage you to discuss with your child the possibility of them letting their teacher know they found the assignment too difficult. 

Teachers generally give homework they believe children are equipped to do - so if your child is overwhelmed and finds it too hard, their teacher most likely wants (and needs) to know that so they can either go over the subject matter again or else find someone to provide some extra support to your child to learn it.

Finally, resistance could just be down to the fact your child might just prefer to play (or do anything else) instead of doing their homework!  If that’s the case, then just acknowledge where they are at and their perspective. 

Let them know you get it - homework is tedious, not fun and there are loads of other preferable things to do.  AND, you agreed that homework would be done at this time (remind them of what they decided) and so it’s now time to do it.  No threats, bribes or ultimatums - just state it as it is and wait in their space until they move to go and start.

Don’t forget to Praise

Whatever steps your child takes towards doing their homework independently, descriptively praise their efforts and strategies so they can feel that recognition.  This might sound like “I can see you’ve made a plan to do your homework independently tonight.” Or, “You’ve sat down on your chair and gotten your books out, that’s a great start.” 

Recognise any steps in the right direction and be specific about what they have done that you are acknowledging - the more specific you are, the more information they will have to repeat that behaviour again in the future.

Developing a Growth Mindset

If you think of homework, whether you agree with it or not, as a mini-life lesson your child needs to learn to do independently, then you will position yourself to support your child in learning to be independent. 

It’s not really about the actual work itself, but more around your child learning to manage their own time, schedule and output.  For them to learn how to prioritise, focus and problem solve.  And by learning and practicing these important life skills, they will improve and gain increasing confidence in themselves over time.

Eventually they will know, when they are handed with a task, they can break it down, decode it, attack it and complete it. 

They will feel and believe they CAN or else can learn to - they will have developed a growth mindset. That belief in themselves that they have the ability to figure stuff out. 

So if you’re still struggling with getting your kids to take ownership of and do their homework, then remember that it’s about so much more than just the assignment.  Taking a bit of time to put your frustration to the side and to support your child in learning these skills will be worth it.  And as your child takes ownership of their homework, the less you’ll be involved and the more this source of family tension will disappear. 

Sounds good, doesn’t it?  You can do it!!!