Picky Eaters - 10 Tips

If you dread mealtimes because you have a super picky eater, slow eater or non-eater, this article is for you! 

Here are 10 Tips to help you navigate this situation.

1. Why this is so emotive

Us mamas have a biological need to ensure our children are well-nourished.  It's in-built and so when our child doesn't eat well or is super picky, it sends off all sorts of alarms within us.  We can try all sorts of interesting tactics - distracting our child, hiding food within food, making them sit at the table, etc.  And maybe some of these work but often, not for long.  

The main thing you need to know is that your child, if they are under 10 years old, will not starve themselves.  Trust that they will eat when their body needs food and part of what you are helping them with is understanding and knowing when that is - the cues of hunger or low energy levels. 

2. Eliminate Snacks 

In order to teach your child about feeling hungry, you need to look at all the food and drink your child is consuming outside mealtimes.  Whether it's milk, juice, fruit or other snacks, it's likely that if your child is having any of these, they are interfering with their appetite.    If they are not eating their main meals well, then get rid of the snacks.  Even "healthy" ones.  Let them feel hungry so that they learn to eat their main meals first.

3. Have Regular Mealtimes

Us adults are able to have fluctuating mealtimes on different days - we can generally manage our own energy levels and expectations and adapt.  But children will struggle more with this.  They need regular, predictable mealtimes so that their bodies can learn to expect when food is coming and build up an appetite for it. 

So look at your schedule and see what times are realistic for you to feed your child.  And if they come home from nursery or school at 4 pm and are starving, don't hesitate to feed them their evening meal then instead of giving them a snack to tie them over.  Over time, once your child starts eating their main meals regularly and a varied diet, you can start to adapt the mealtimes to more "conventional" mealtimes (if you wish).

4. Release the Pressure

Dial the pressure right back at mealtimes.  Both on yourself and your child.  You are not a bad parent if your child is a picky eater.  You have not failed or are not failing.  It is not your fault.  You will get through this stage and your child will not be malnourished. 

Serve them a variety of food, make it colorful and attractive and if you can, allow your child to serve themselves so they decide what and how much to put on their plate.  Give them control over that but make it clear that whatever they put on their plate, they will need to eat.  If your child doesn't eat after 10-15 minutes, let it go and end the meal.  Don't sit there and waste your time and energy.

5. Consider having an acceptable alternative

We all have some foods we're not terribly keen on.  And maybe one night you serve a meal that your child truly doesn't like.  In these cases, you can consider having an alternative, bland, and relatively healthy dish that you are willing to allow your child to eat.  It could be a bowl of plain yogurt, porridge, a boiled egg, or piece of toast.  Something simple, easy, and that you're likely to have on hand. 

Whatever you decide, you need to be prepared for your child to want to eat this alternative and be okay with that.  Don't worry, after a week (or month!) of eating the same thing, they will likely be open to trying something else.

6. Allow more Autonomy

If your child is being picky about food, it might be worth looking at other areas of their life/day and determining how much autonomy they have.  All of us need to feel like we have some control over our own lives and what happens.  Your child may need to feel that they have more control so consider how you can give them more limited, acceptable choices throughout their day.

7. Be a role model

You've heard it before but it's worth repeating.  If you want your child to eat a balanced, healthy diet, you need to role model it yourself.  Not just in what you eat, but how you talk about food and nourishing your body. 

Sometimes we have our own hangups about food that we don't even realise until we spend a bit of time contemplating what it means for us personally and our thoughts about it.  That's not to say you are the cause of your child's picky eating.  It's just to be aware of your own attitude towards food and the non-verbal (and verbal) messages you might be giving your child.

8. Make it Fun

Yes, there are ways you can make mealtimes just a little bit more engaging for a child.  It could be allowing them to choose their plate, getting them to help set the table, helping you prepare/cook the food, lighting candles or playing music.

Think about what your child might enjoy and try different ideas out.  Yes, mealtimes don't necessarily have to be "fun" but if you've been struggling with a picky eater, they might have become quite 'not fun" so trying out some of these ideas could help turn the atmosphere around.

9. Use your child's eyes

Sometimes we are stuck in being an adult and we aren't even aware of it because it is our natural state.  But it often helps to try to see the world through your child's eyes - to take their perspective and try to find solutions through their lens.  You might come up with different solutions to the ones you have tried when you do this and often have more empathy for and understanding of your child in the process.  What do they think about food, mealtimes and eating in general?  What might help them be more adventurous, curious or have a different attitude to food and mealtimes?  

10. Consider what you are making it mean

I already mentioned that we have a biological need to nourish our child and that this can be part of what prompts the huge guilt and worry we tend to feel when we think our child isn't eating as well as they could.  If this is you, then take a moment to consider your own thoughts around food and feeding your child. 

What are you making this situation mean about you? your child? your family?  Why do you feel the pressure you do and what if you didn't feel this pressure - how would you do things differently and what would change for you?

Know that you and your child will find a peaceful way to get through this.  Use the above 10 tips and tools to help you determine where you can make some tweaks in what you are doing. 

Further Support

If you have any questions or feel you could do with some additional support to help you manage and navigate your child's picky eating or other challenges, I can help.

I invite you to reach out and book a free call at bit.ly/callmiki.  We'll spend 30 minutes talking about your current situation and I'll help you get clarity on what's not working and how you can get unstuck.  Stop the endless googling and searching for answers and start to make real change in your family life today.