Making the Most of Summer

In most parts of the world, the summer holidays have either arrived or are fast approaching. 

THIS summer, the outlook might be different depending on where you are and how old your children are.  Maybe camps are canceled where you are, maybe you’re still sheltering in place or in some form of confinement, maybe the kids have been home for months already with no sign of returning to school.  Or maybe things are mostly back to “normal”. 

Regardless of your situation, I want to offer 3 simple ideas to help you stay ahead of the game and make the most of summer.  Not that I am against living in the moment and taking each day as it comes, but 2 months of that with multiple kids at home can make it seem like a LOOONG stretch of time.  And it’s too easy to arrive at the end of the holidays and wonder where all that time went.

So here are 3 simple ideas to consider for making the most of the summer with your kids:

Decide as a family on daily “must-do’s”

Think of daily “must-do’s” as the minimum things everyone must do each day.  Top of the list is generally personal hygiene (teeth, hair, washing, etc.).  Yes, you’d hope that these items don’t need to be “listed’ out, but it’s summertime and incredibly easy for it to hit 4pm and realise your kids haven’t brushed their teeth and are still in pj’s!

You might add responsibility for looking after their personal space - making their bed, putting their clothes in the laundry basket, keeping their room tidy, etc.  What this entails and how much they need to do on their own will be dependent on your family values and the age and stage of development of your child. 

Most children from the age of 2 are able to do these 3 things at a minimum.  Of course, if they are 2 they are still learning and so the bed won’t be made or the room tidied to the same standard as you would have for yourself.  Take the opportunity to teach your child some of these skills so they can practice over the summer without the “schedule pressure” of school days.

You might add some household help activities - unloading the dishwasher, emptying the rubbish, doing the recycling, etc.  Again, what you add will be personal to your family and the stage of development of your children.  Many parents shy away from giving their children responsibilities in the house - especially during the academic year when their children are already very busy. 

The thing is, children NEED to know that they are a capable and responsible member of the family.  Not only is having responsibility for household help (“chores”) teaching them valuable life skills, it helps them feel significant and that they are an active contributor to the household.  Even if they grumble about having to help out, know that it’s helping them build up their self-belief that they are someone who CAN and DOES.

You might consider having a more “productive” item on there - such as a period of reading, effort towards meeting a personal goal or work towards completing a summer “project”.  Some children thrive on having a personal goal or project for the summer.  It gives them something to focus on and can be a go-to activity when they are bored.  Other children might not like the idea at all, but love the sense of achievement it gives them at the end. 

The only caveat I would add here is that as a parent, during the summer it is worth focusing on acknowledging your child’s character traits and efforts rather than achievements.  They get enough feedback on achievements during the school year and summer is a great time for them to build up their self-confidence and belief. 

Having a list of daily “must-do’s” can just add a bit of structure into day whilst still leaving plenty of room for other activities, independent play, boredom or other fun stuff.  You might also decide to have a “day off” for certain of the daily must-do activities.  Talk to your kids about it and come up with a plan that works for your family.

Decide to bucket list, or not

The idea of a summer bucket list can be incredibly polarising.  Some love it and the feeling of accomplishment from ticking off items.  For others, it fills them with dread, fear an overriding feeling of pressure. 

In truth, it doesn’t matter whether you have a summer bucket list.   Have a family discussion about it and see whether it’s something you WANT to do as a family or not.  A lot of kids get excited and have a lot of fun just creating the bucket list.  And it can be useful to have a family generated list of ideas to refer to at a moment’s notice or considering the week ahead.  Include a variety of ideas and consider rainy day activities as well.

Whether or not you decide to have a summer bucket list, it’s helpful to have a family calendar for the summer holidays where everyone can “see” at a glance what the overall plan or theme is for any particular week.  For example, it could be that week 1 open and flexible, weeks 2 and 3 are family travel time, week 4 is open and flexible, week 5 is summer camp 1, week 6 is summer camp 2, weeks 7 and 8 are open and flexible.  Open and flexible could be weeks where nothing much is planned and so ideal times for your bucket list ideas or just for boredom, independent play, playdates, pool dates, day trips, bbq's, outings, etc.

Having a family calendar, whether in conjunction with bucket list or not, allows everyone to have an idea of the general plan which can also prevent the never-ending question “what are we doing this week?”.

Focus on Connection

Whether you’ve realised it or not, we’ve all experienced some level of anxiety this year.  Even if sheltering in place, homeschooling and working from home was a “good” experience for your family, there will have still been some levels of anxiety during the transition into that period of time and even out of it.  As we enter into the summer holidays, know that it is another period of transition for your family and any transition can take some time for everyone to adjust and also throw out some big emotions.

If the world learned anything from the past few months, I hope it has learned to slow down and take time to enjoy moments with those who are most important to you.  I know you already know how many summers you might have with your child.  But can you focus on THIS one and being in the moment with your child now? 

How can you find ways to enjoy your time together and strengthen your relationship?  This doesn’t mean spending ALL the time together or being a super parent and doing all the things.  It means finding pockets of quality time.  Expressing an interest in your child.  Letting them lead playtime or conversations.  Asking instead of telling.  Listening more.

How can you use the summer months to build up or strengthen your child’s self-esteem?  To help them believe they are significant, capable, and worthy?  To help them believe they are unconditionally loved and accepted for WHO THEY ARE, and not who they think are expected to be?

When you focus on connection, you’re working on the foundations of your family.  You’re noticing your child for who they are, learning about them and delighting in them.  You let go of the pressure to “parent” and allow yourself to enjoy BEING a parent. 

Making the Most of Summer

Being intentional means you make life happen and set your family up for a successful summer, instead of sitting back and watching it pass by or happen to you.  Even being a little proactive can make a big difference and can give you and your children some needed structure for the summer.   It ensures everyone has the possibility of getting their needs met, having some personal space and time for family connection.    

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