7 Tips for Proactive Family Meetings

Did you have regular family meetings when you were growing up?  You know, where your whole family sat down together on a consistent basis to discuss the week ahead, future plans, aired frustrations, and problem solved conflicts?

If so, then hats off to your progressive parents!!!  They were definitely way ahead of their time and forward thinking in their approach!

You see, prior to being a parent and learning about positive parenting, I had never heard of family meetings. 

Sure, whether in my own childhood or current family life, there were times that we would obviously all be together and would talk about stuff.   However, it was never really a consistent nor predictable thing. 

Usually, if issues were discussed it was because they had arisen and were problematic - like when our pillow fights ended up in tears or teasing had gone too far.

And that’s generally how most households deal with things - when they arise.  Usually, too, it’s the parents telling the kids what’s going to happen next to “deal with” the issue.

But there is another, more proactive approach to maintaining open lines of family communication:  the family meeting!

What are Family Meetings?

Family Meetings are regular family gatherings where all the family members are present to reconnect and talk about important issues, the upcoming family agenda, and/or take decisions. 

Each member of the family has the opportunity to talk and contribute to the meeting without being interrupted or judged.

Why have Family Meetings?

Having regular, predictable family meetings creates and guarantees open lines of communication with the family and creates an environment where the children feel their presence and input are important and valued. 

It helps you proactively and peacefully problem solve any brewing conflicts with the children and is a time when the children know they can air and discuss any grievances. 

Family Meetings also allow the family to be aware of each other’s schedules and can be the source of fun family rituals too!

How to have Family Meetings - 7 Tips

1. Schedule a regular time (ideally weekly) that will be easy for the family to commit to.

E.g. Sundays before/after dinnertime. 

You want to select a time where you know that generally you and the kids won’t have activities or other conflicts and most weeks you are together at that time. 

Summertime is a great time of year to implement family meetings as everyone is generally more relaxed with less pressure and more flexible schedules.  However, you can implement family meetings in your family at any time of the year.

Just make sure you don’t start having family meetings after a crisis point as it won’t work (e.g. when your siblings have had a massive argument or you’ve been super triggered by something your kids have done).  Your kids will just feel like you’ve implemented family meetings as a sort of “punishment” - which is NOT the point - and they won’t be as motivated or willing to participate.

2.  Have a “rough agenda/outline” for the meeting.

Having a consistent agenda for your family meetings means that everyone knows the routine of what happens at each meeting and therefore, what to expect and how best to participate.

A sample outline could be as follows:

1. Gratitude
2. The Week Ahead
3. Airing Issues & Problem Solving
4. Follow-up to any previous issues
5. Something Fun & Rewarding

Ideally, you’d have between 3 and 5 agenda items for your family meetings.  If you have more than 5, you risk challenging your kids’ attention span and 2 items is probably insufficient. 

More details on each of these agenda items below:

3.  Start each family meeting with Gratitude

When you start the family meeting with each person taking turns to express their gratitude or appreciation about another family member or something that has happened in the family environment, it sets up a positive tone for the meeting. 

This can be as simple as saying “I appreciate everyone being here today!”

Even if some family members are reluctantly present (and even if they reluctantly share some gratitude!), you’ll find that gratitude is contagious and also breeds happiness.

4.  The Week Ahead

Use family meetings to keep everyone updated on the schedule for the week ahead.  Run through this as quickly as possible and generally discuss any “changes” to the “normal” schedule. 

You could ask everyone to say if something different is happening in their schedule this week - e.g. a parent is traveling for work, a parent is working late one night, a child has a school outing and needs a picnic lunch, a child has a special overnight camp day, etc. 

You just want to be sure that everyone is aware of everyone else’s whereabouts or anything important happening.  This way, you avoid any surprises and can be sure to support each other if there are special things happening (e.g. Mama has an important work meeting, child 1 has a sports competition, etc.)

5.  Airing Issues & Problem Solving

This is an opportunity for any member of the family to raise any issues or grievances for things that have happened.  E.g. a child might raise an argument they had with a sibling or a parent might talk about something a child has done that they weren’t happy about. 

Everyone has the opportunity to talk and to tell their “side” of the story without being interrupted or judged.  Then, as a family, you can problem solve a way forward.  Kids, as well as parents, can propose solutions and everyone must “agree” on the way forward.  Then, you all commit to trying that agreed solution for the week ahead and revisit whether it worked in the following week’s family meeting.

6.  Follow-up to any previous issues

This is when you revisit any solutions that were decided the previous week - to check-in and discuss if they worked and whether everyone is happy with the outcome (i.e. the “issue raised” is now considered to be mostly “resolved”) or if another solution needs to be considered. 

The person who originally raised the “issue” needs to be happy that the issue has been resolved and if not, it can be discussed again.

7.  Something Fun & Rewarding

Finish each family meeting by doing something fun and/or rewarding.  This is your opportunity to create family rituals and enjoy time together.  You could play a game, have a pillow fight, go for a walk, have a movie night, etc. 

You could decide on the family activity in your first family meeting, or create a list of activities that you rotate through. 

The point is to have at least 30 minutes of time together as a family to share some fun and laughter and enjoy being in each others’ company.

Are Family Meetings appropriate for my toddler or teen?

You can start having family meetings when your children are 2 and older. 

A 2-year-old might not have the language development to fully express themselves or understand everything, but they will “get” the general content and learn the routine so that by the time they are 3-4 years old, they should be able to actively contribute and participate fully in the meetings.

Continue having family meetings as long as they are serving your family and until your children leave home. 

Setting up the routine of having family meetings when your children are younger will mean that when your children reach their teenage years, it will just be a habit and not something you will have to persuade them to do.

When you have teenagers, having family meetings can be a very useful tool to keep everyone in the loop and also calmly and rationally discuss any issues without your teenager feeling like they’ve been put on the spot or have been judged.  It ensures open and regular lines of communication and opportunities for communication, which is critical for your developing teenager.

Try to keep the tone of your family meetings light and upbeat.  You want everyone to attend voluntarily and enjoy participating and not to feel like it's a chore to be there.  You'll want to keep the "discussion" part of the meeting as brief as possible so that you can then move to on the "fun" part.

Try it out!

If you’re skeptical, try it out.  Tell your kids you’d like to try something new and ask them to give it a go for a month.  And really commit to it during that time.  I think you’ll find it a useful communication tool and a nice family ritual.